Got a toothbrush?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
