Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
