i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
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