I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
