"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I intend to get homeless drunk
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
