Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
