my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Randomize
