did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Randomize
