oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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