She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
