Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
