What did we do last night that was yellow?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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