Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
