I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
