I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
