Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Randomize
