No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
