There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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