Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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