he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
