My room smells like vodka and shame
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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