I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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