just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
