Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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