Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
