i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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