i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
