New low: just hacked my moms facebook
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Randomize
