i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Randomize
