I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
