i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Randomize
