Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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