so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
