Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
