Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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