I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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