Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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