she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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