It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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