finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Randomize
