i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
