That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
