Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
