She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
