OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He felt like a one man threesome
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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