I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
