I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Randomize
