the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
