You're my little dorito
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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