you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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