Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
