Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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