How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
