U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize