What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
