No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
