i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
