Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
false alarm, still single
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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