Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
