Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
