My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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