He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
