jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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