So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
