There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
