He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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