i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
