You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
