i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
