sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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