Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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