She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Randomize