i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
