she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
