This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Randomize
