She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
