You were right. It hurts to walk today.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
