Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
