My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
