So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
