You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Is it penis luge time yet?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Randomize
