you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
whose ass print is on the piano?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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