my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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