"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
