Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
