She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
