I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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