Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Just high enough for therapy.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
