But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
People with herpes should wear stickers.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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