You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize