Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
