I'm sorry my penis didn't work
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
