It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
