So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize