Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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