I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
