Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
