shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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