I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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