Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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