lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Dignity is for republicans.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
