I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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