This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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